Family Dinner

Dear Bloggers,

August is winding down and the school year is about to commence and I feel so far lost these days. Social media keeps shoving the beginning of the school year in my face, with posts of classrooms being set up, and "Timehop" photos of the past decade. I am still, unemployed and feel even farther from prospects than ever. Each day it is a relentless task of clearing out my inbox to sort job matches and file away letters stating “Thank you for your interest but …”.

My biggest cheerleader, my sister, who, for years, has been trying to convince me to go corporate, made a comment a few days ago that has been echoing in my head on a continuous loop since. It was innocent, and it wasn’t even directed towards me. She probably doesn’t even remember saying it. But it was one of those moments that I felt as if all of the air was sucked from my lungs as my chest imploded. She was talking about an old friend and made a comment that her husband was “only a teacher”. There it is. That condescending tone that teachers are lesser than the rest of the work force. This crushed me. And so, I ended the night driving home while sobbing. If the one person who supposedly believed most in me that I could successfully make this transition didn’t really believe it herself - it only amplifies my own doubts.

So what am I doing? Staying off of social media and buying lots of wine.


Sincerely,

The Frustrated ex-teacher

A bust of a day

Hello Bloggers,

Well, today was a particularly sucky day. That is at first anyway. I woke up with a vengeance. My house was clean, and I was ready to conquer this day. I had a pretty solid plan.

Resumes and cover letters were neatly piled across the dining room table giving me that nostalgic feeling of grading papers. I had a job fair today. It was hopefully my first real lead. For an August morning it was pretty cool out, so I brewed some coffee and grabbed my laptop and headed out into the back yard. I logged into my email and began pouring through emails of the past 36 hours as the sun came up… 87 emails. Many of the job alerts were duplicates so it was quick moving, but there were a few promising positions that I was able to apply for. Now looking back at it, I’m thinking that my standards have lowered slightly which definitely opens up a larger pool.

I logged into the career site to see if any other companies were added since I last checked a day ago - nothing new. I examined each potential employer’s postings just in case I missed one and made sure that I had copies of each posting I applied for with a list of questions to potential companies - even the ones I wasn’t thrilled about. But there were three that I was thrilled about. Well, two, the third was an assistant job that would help me to pay the bills and hopefully act as a stepping stone into something more permanent.

I showered and actually did my hair and makeup. This now brings the grand total up to three times in three months that my hair was dried and curled and not twisted up into a wet knot on the top of my head. AND I actually applied makeup. I was feeling pretty human today for the first time in a few weeks.

I headed out and traffic was horrible. On the major thoroughfare there was construction siphoning several lanes into one crawling mess. It doubled my travel time and I went from soft sweet morning music to loud angry pump me up music.

When I finally arrived, and was at the sign in desk, the girl greeting me showed me the messy, handwritten list of companies that didn’t even remotely match the list that was posted on the web not only four hours earlier. I ducked behind a pillar and took out my printed list with my notes and began to compare. NONE of the companies that I had intentions on speaking with were there! I wanted to turn and run and scream, but instead I took a deep breath and entered the room. I looked around to see fast food, an auto-parts store, several technical institutes, and insurance companies among a few others. As I began to walk around a phrase caught my attention, not once but twice… “Do you have a high school diploma or your GED?”

Seriously? This is what I dragged myself all the way down here for? I think if the room were quieter, in the very moment I was asked if I had MY HS diploma or a GED you could have hear my heart break.

What a bust. This was a waste of gas, parking money, and toll money. And with that a piece of me died today. Near tears I left, not without crossing off my email address to avoid future harassment from this company and comparing the list of falsely advertised companies to the girl manning the desk. Don’t worry - I told her I knew it wasn’t her fault but she should bring that to the attention of her superiors.

I hightailed it out of there and began making my way through my list. With my neatly packed resumes I was hitting the pavement and hand delivering my credentials to companies that I’m sure I was lost in cyberspace.

After a few hours of this I then went on to staffing agencies when Google maps went haywire taking me in a very large and unnecessarily complicated circle. The first time, I thought it was that I missed the odd little side street off the highway. The second was infuriating. Ok - skip that company, I’ll deal with them tomorrow - on to the next. The GPS wanted me to drive through a ravine. This time I decided to look ahead at the entire list of directions, where I was taken on three different highways just to end up back, basically where I was. I had now been sitting in this parking lot for too long - long enough to start attracting attention.

So I decided to take a detour and run an errand. I needed to clear my head. I figured a trip to the DMV would buy me ample time to figure out what was going wrong with the GPS and revamp my plan. I was hungry and on my fifth hour of being in the car. When did they streamline the DMV?! Could I actually be upset that this process took me exactly six minutes not giving me the time I needed to sort this out?

That was it. I lost it. I felt lost and broken, and beaten down. I needed a drink! Or a few! I called my bestie in hopes she hadn’t been at work to set up her classroom… thank goodness some unexpected construction had banned her from the building. She was my saving grace today. And it revitalized me to come home and begin to tackle the dreaded email box. I've been away all day and I was near triple digits again. Our outting also gave me the strength to return calls from family members and be just cheery enough not to “worry” them. I really needed that long conversation with my Dad today… I’m so glad he called.


Sincerely,


The frustrated ex-teacher



P.S. I’m trying something new today… Today I am thankful for the true friends in my life - one in particular. And my Dad!

Not another long Sunday

Good Morning Cyberspace,

It’s now August. It feels weird this year. It’s normally a mix of emotions - excitement of the anticipation with a new crew, and the sad feeling that the summer coming to a close. It has been said that for a teacher, August is like one long Sunday. 

Typically, about now I’d be checking my schedule obsessively for updates and class lists. I’d be prepping my welcome back and back to school materials. I’ve probably been in and out a few times with treats for the office staff and tech department. And I would be planning time when I'd be going in to begin setting up.

But not this year. It’s surreal. I’m pretty sure it really hasn’t set in yet. I have this sense of hopefulness that I will find a job and rejoin the ranks of the fully employed, yet there is this overwhelming sense of anxiety that accompanies it. Partly for the unknown, partly for the financial aspects of it. And a huge part is the crushing feeling of how much benefits are going to cost me without the assistance of an employer. I can get by for a few months. But sadly, I’ve finally found myself financially back where I was at the beginning of my teaching career. When I still hung on to my college bartending job. My rent was a quarter of what it is now, - which I split - and that was before I paid (mostly charged) grad school classes - for a master’s and an additional certification.

When I think of all the time and energy and money I poured out over the years for teaching it makes me sick! The only thing that keeps me from wishing I didn’t attempt this ten years ago is the amazing people (kids included) I met over the past four years. (New administration excluded)

Back to the job hunt…

Wish me luck!


Sincerely,

Another frustrated ex-teacher